Why High School Athletes Fear Mistakes and How Parents Can Help

The direct answer

To help a high-school athlete who fears mistakes, start by asking what they believe will happen after the error. 

They may be worried about playing time, criticism, disappointing you, or looking inadequate. 

Listen before offering reassurance, and take realistic concerns seriously. Keep your relationship steady while making performance feedback specific: what happened, what needs work, and what the next action is. 

Help your athlete practice one familiar cue and a simple response to imperfect reps with their coach. The goal is to keep learning and competing while uncertainty is present. 

Youth research links perceived pressure to be perfect with greater fear of failure, but no single routine guarantees confidence or better results. Your athlete needs both useful skills and an environment where mistakes can be corrected without personal humiliation. [1, 2]

When the game follows your athlete home

Picture a quarterback climbing into the car after a difficult game. He threw an interception, missed a read, and spent the final series on the bench. You ask how he feels, and he says, "Coach probably thinks I can't play."

You know how much he prepared. You want to tell him he is good enough and that everything will work out. But before you rush to that answer, listen to what he actually said. He is wondering what the performance changed about his place on the team.

A basketball player may have the same conversation after passing up an open shot. A softball player may carry it after an error. The sport changes, but the question is familiar: "What will people think of me now?" That is a useful place for a parent to begin.

What your athlete may be afraid of

A mistake can carry a real consequence

Competitive sports involve evaluation. An athlete might lose a starting position or need to earn a coach's trust through better decisions. Telling them "None of that matters" can make it harder to talk honestly. Those things matter to them, and some consequences are possible.

Try asking, "What are you most worried will happen?" You may learn that the athlete needs help understanding a selection decision, talking with a coach, or practicing a skill. Listening gives you a more useful starting point than assuming they simply need encouragement.

One play can become a much bigger conclusion

"I threw that pass late" describes a correctable action. "I'm never going to be a good quarterback" predicts an entire future from one moment. Help your athlete notice the difference without arguing them out of their feelings.

You might say, "I understand why you're disappointed. What did that play show you, and what are you assuming it means?" Sometimes the answer calls for film review. Sometimes it calls for a patient conversation. You do not have to solve both in the parking lot.

Standards can become a demand for perfection

An athlete can pursue a starting spot, train seriously, and care deeply about winning. The concern is the belief that anything less than flawless performance makes them unacceptable.

That belief deserves attention in the environment as well as in the athlete. Adults can ask for better effort and execution while explaining corrections respectfully and keeping their support consistent.

What the science tells us

A 2026 study of 678 youth athletes, with an average age near 15, found that perceiving a perfectionistic coaching climate was associated with more fear of failure and lower wellbeing. Because the study measured perceptions and outcomes at one point, it cannot establish that coaching behavior caused those outcomes. It does provide a relevant reason to examine the atmosphere around mistakes. [1]

An earlier youth basketball coach-training study offers intervention evidence. Athletes playing for trained coaches reported reductions in sport anxiety across the season compared with athletes playing for untrained coaches. That supports the value of how coaches teach, although it does not prove that any particular parent phrase changes fear or game performance. [2]

Research also gives us a reason to question the idea that athletes must attack themselves to improve. In adolescent girls, self-compassion was associated with less fear of failure. A small trial in university women found benefits for concern over mistakes and related patterns after a self-compassion program. Those populations and designs limit what we can promise teenage athletes. The practical application is modest: teach truthful correction without personal insults. [3, 4]

Finally, a meta-analysis supports practiced self-talk for sport tasks. A useful cue deserves rehearsal; it is more than something shouted from the stands after a mistake. The evidence does not guarantee that a cue will prevent an interception or make a free throw fall. [5]

The Mind Grit principle of Believe

Believe asks what your athlete will trust when the outcome is uncertain. Preparation gives them reasons to trust a practiced skill. A dependable relationship gives them someone with whom they can talk honestly. Faith offers a deeper anchor when performance feels unstable.

Psalm 56:3 says, "When I am afraid, I put my trust in you." David's setting involved real danger, far beyond a sporting event. The application is that fear can be acknowledged while trust is directed toward God. The verse does not promise a starting position or a win.

For the athlete, the coaching question becomes, "What is the next action I have prepared to take?" Believe can help them attempt it while doubt is still present. It also leaves room to ask for help when the next step is unclear.

Five ways to help your athlete train a better response

1. Listen for the concern underneath the complaint. After a bad game, ask whether they want to talk, have some space, or hear your perspective. If they want to talk, let them finish. "I'm awful" may hide embarrassment, concern about the lineup, or fear that they disappointed you. Then ask one question: "What part feels hardest right now?" Give the answer time. An athlete who feels heard may be better able to discuss a correction later, but listening should be offered as care rather than used as a technique to make them comply.

2. Separate the observation from the prediction. Help your athlete write what happened in plain language. "I rushed the throw" or "I stopped communicating on defense" gives a coach something to work with. Then write the prediction they added: "Nobody trusts me anymore." Look at the evidence together. If the coach actually expressed concern, take that seriously and help prepare a respectful question. If the prediction is unsupported, call it a prediction. You can acknowledge uncertainty without accepting every frightening conclusion as fact.

3. Choose one familiar next-play cue. Ask the athlete and coach to choose a short cue that fits the skill and situation. A pitcher might use "See the glove." A defender might use "Find my assignment." The wording should be familiar and technically appropriate. Use it in practice before relying on it during competition. Avoid filling the athlete's head with five new instructions after an error. When the game is moving, one clear job is usually a more usable coaching proposal than a complete emotional analysis.

4. Practice responding when a rep is imperfect. Normal practice already provides opportunities to recover. After a missed attempt, have the athlete identify the next job and use the chosen cue. The coach can review both technique and response. Notice whether the athlete communicated, attempted the correct decision, accepted feedback, or returned to the drill. Those observations help track learning even when the outcome was unsuccessful. Keep the exercise safe and age appropriate; embarrassment and punishment are not requirements for mental training.

5. Review the game when both of you can participate. The ride home may be the wrong time for a detailed breakdown. Agree on a later moment when the athlete is ready to look at what went well and what needs work. Choose one adjustment rather than replaying every error. Ask, "What would help you practice this?" They may need a coach's explanation, another rep, or a clearer plan. You can be supportive and honest in the same conversation.

When the problem needs more support

If distress persists beyond sport or starts interfering with sleep, school, relationships, or participation, involve an appropriate qualified professional. A coach can help train performance skills; an athlete should also have access to care when their needs go beyond coaching. Begin by listening and helping them find support rather than assigning a label from the sideline. [6]

Train This Week

One question: What does my athlete believe a mistake will change?

One action: Ask your athlete and their coach to choose one familiar next-play cue. Have the athlete practice it after an imperfect rep and describe what was useful afterward.

One verse: 

One takeaway: Help your athlete understand the mistake, keep the relationship steady, and identify a next step they can practice.

Coach's challenge

At the next game, listen to your first response after an error. Does it offer information the athlete can use? When there is time to talk, try one specific observation followed by one actionable adjustment. Later, ask the athlete how that communication landed. Their answer gives you something to learn, too.

Frequently asked questions

Should I tell my athlete that mistakes don't matter?

Mistakes provide information and can affect results. Help them understand what happened and what to do next while making clear that your care for them remains steady.

Can my athlete compete while feeling nervous?

They can practice taking a familiar action while nervous. Total calm does not have to be a prerequisite for every rep. Persistent or overwhelming distress deserves additional support.

Will reassuring them that they are talented fix the problem?

It may feel encouraging, but first ask what they are worried about. A concern about selection or criticism may need a conversation and practical plan rather than another compliment.

What if a coach humiliates athletes after mistakes?

Take the concern seriously. Listen, clarify what happened, and work through an appropriate conversation with the coach or school. Mental training should not teach athletes to quietly accept mistreatment.

Start with your athlete's next training need

Take the free Mind Grit Athlete Scorecard together at getmindgrit.com/scorecard. Use the result to begin a conversation about which part of the mental game needs practice. The scorecard is an educational coaching tool, not a psychological diagnosis.

Related Mind Grit articles

• How to Stop Being Afraid of Making Mistakes in Sports
• How to Recover After a Mistake in Sports
• How to Build Confidence in Sports

About Graves Fromang, DO

Graves Fromang, DO, is a board-certified emergency physician, football coach, mental performance coach, and founder of Mind Grit. He helps athletes develop practical habits for preparation, confidence, focus, mistake recovery, and competing under pressure, with faith as the foundation.

References

1. Dargue-Fox et al. (2026). Youth perfectionistic climate and fear of failure. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psychsport.2026.103131
2. Smith et al. (2007). Coach-training intervention and youth sport anxiety. https://doi.org/10.1123/jsep.29.1.39
3. Mosewich et al. (2011). Self-compassion in adolescent girls. https://doi.org/10.1123/jsep.33.1.103
4. Mosewich et al. (2013). Self-compassion intervention in varsity women. https://doi.org/10.1123/jsep.35.5.514
5. Hatzigeorgiadis et al. (2011). Self-talk meta-analysis. https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691611413136
6. American Academy of Pediatrics. Mental Health in Teen Athletes.

The practical exercises are Mind Grit coaching applications informed by the research; they have not been independently validated as a combined protocol.